In a perfect world perhaps all couples would stay faithful to each other, it doesn’t work that way in the real world. We hear often about stories how either a man or a woman have cheated on their partner and it has put a strain on their relationship and cannot trust ever since.
So many couples may wonder whether discovering about an affair means the end of their relationship, or is there any hope left for forgiveness and getting things back to normal? Can someone who has once cheated on you be trusted again? Or will it be just a mistake causing more heartbreak when they cheat over and over again later on?
Is “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater” True? Or Can Some People Be reformed?
About dishonesty, this is the general fact that once someone betrays your trust once, they are more likely to do it a second time as well. Because usually when we are capable of doing something once, we can do it again much more easily the next time. It is true about riding a bike, and so it is about other things such as cheating in a relationship or committing a crime. As you may agree, someone who has stolen a car once is much more likely to do it again – compared to a person who has never even crossed a red light in his life.
With that said, there is still a chance that your partner may feel so much shame and regret that makes a genuine promise not to ever misuse your trust again. So yes, some people can indeed change. But the main issue after discovering a cheating partner, is the trust that you have lost – perhaps forever.
Although you may bring yourself to fully forgive your partner one day, the lack of trust may arise anytime under innocent circumstances – whether it is when he comes come home an hour later due to a busy project at work, or perhaps when he is acting distant and somehow mysterious one evening, and other seemingly harmless innocent incidents. You may get a sudden rush of memories about being cheated on and start suspecting your partner.
As you can imagine, this kind of mistrust is very harmful to the intimacy and love in a relationship and will affect both partners to grow more and more distant over time. When the trust is destroyed in a relationship, it is only a matter of time when the intimacy is gone and you will look at your partner as if he/she is a stranger you can’t trust.
The fact is, finding out about a cheating partner is mostly painful not just because of finding out they have had a sexual intercourse with someone else. It is the loss of your pure trust that causes the biggest strain on the relationship. You have trusted someone to always tell you the truth and they have promised to be completely faithful to you, and now you have found out it has been a lie. That naturally makes you wonder what other things they have told you which might have been a lie.
Top 3 Questions to Find Out If Your Partner Can Be Trusted Ever Again
1. Is Your Partner Truly Sorry for Cheating on You? Or Is He/She Only Sorry Because of Getting Caught?
There is a huge difference between the two motives of showing signs of regret. So make sure to watch his actions and expressions closely to find out which one is true. And be honest with yourself. Trust what your gut instinct tells you, because it is usually the naked truth – as much as we may wish to think otherwise.
2. Did Your Partner Confess to His Cheating Actions, or Were You the One Who Discovered It?
If your partner came clean before you found out on your own and confronted him, there is still a good chance that he can be reformed. It takes a big deal of courage to confess about such a big mistake to you, and it shows how sorry and regretful he/she must have felt. So that shows a good sign that your partner may already resent what they did so much that they won’t ever want to commit the same mistake again.
However, if your partner was still hiding the truth from you and you were the one who caught them in the act that is a red signal that your partner cannot be trusted. Not just because he/she cheated on you, but mostly because of the nature of lying and keeping such a big secret from the love of his/her life.
3. Did Your Partner Cheat on You Only Once, or Was It a Recurring Affair for Quite Some Time?
People slip sometimes. It is just the human nature to make mistakes every once in a while. Although cheating on someone you love is still an immoral thing to do, it can be more acceptable when it was just a one time fling. He/she may have regretted it so much later that decides to never do anything like that again. In that case, it will make it easier to consider forgiving your partner – knowing it was a one-time mistake.
However if the affair has been going on for quite some time, it shows that he/she was not really regretting it. So even if your partner shows signs of regret right now that you found out, it might be because he/she is sorry about not being careful enough to be able to keep it a secret from you. Chances are, the regret comes from getting caught, not the act of cheating in the first place.
So if you are wondering whether a cheater is always a cheater, and if you can trust your partner ever again, you can consider the above questions and advice in order to determine how trustworthy your partner truly is. It will also help you protect yourself from getting hurt further down the line, by trusting only someone who is going to be completely honest and faithful to you.