Are There Any Circumstances Where Cheating On A Spouse Is Not Only Justified, But Necessary? An Undercover Cop Tells All!
However, there may come a time when you are unhappy and discontented and your vows are an abstract that doesn’t help with the ache in your heart or the ants in your pants. The statistics tell it all. While still in a relationship, thirty-three percent of men and nineteen percent of women cheat.
My name is Phil. I was an undercover cop and this is my story.
The urge to cheat
I worked at the local police department for 15 years.
Due to the demands of my job, I developed a suspicious nature and rarely took everything at face value. I learned to trust my gut and go with my intuition.
I don’t take my family out in public and the details of my work are all hush hush. The need to keep the family safe from harm leads me to be extremely careful. On the plus side, I get exciting assignments like escorting good looking women who need a body guard. ( And even get to pursue them!) Some women love men in uniform, even if we don’t get to wear them.
My family safely tucked far away, unable to keep tab of what I do, cheating became very easy for me. I get to change my persona and pretend to be someone that I’m not and the wife would be none the wiser. Too much time away from each other, kids, the job and all other concerns drove me and my wife apart. Emotional neglect sets in. Nobody wants it to happen, but hey who is getting married just to get divorced?
We manage to get by at first. But things start getting to you eventually: the wife doesn’t care how she looks, too busy with the kids; No more quality time together; and worse, doesn’t want to have sex anymore. The last one really sucks.
This form of neglect took its toll and drove a lonely guy to someone willing and available. It is easy to condemn someone who contemplates cheating on their spouses. I do not condone it. But I am of the opinion that there is a time when the need to cheat outweighs the consequences of broken vows especially when there is nothing left to lose.
Infidelity as a coping mechanism
When people look up to you and see you for what you represent but don’t give a damn about your feelings as a human being, somewhere down the road you will start to resent such treatment. You work to provide for your family. To give them the best you could offer. At the end of the day, you don’t even get a thank you. You come home tired and all you want is some peace and relaxation. Instead, your wife nags you till kingdom come and the house is noisy to boot. You want some sexy time with the wife and all you get is a brush off because she’s tired.
You go to bed with that resentment in your chest that doesn’t go away. It drives a wedge between you and the missus that eventually makes you distant. If only wives understood that husbands have needs too, there would be less cheating happening in this world and more happy marriages. But the way I see it, unless wives see their husbands for what they are, i.e. human beings with needs, some poor bloke will really stray just to get his fill of love somewhere.
Can a relationship survive an ultimate betrayal?
Based on my experience, healing is possible. Just because the husband strayed, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed. The relationship can be saved when the unfaithful partner chooses to end the affair. I ended mine because I realized that I still loved my wife. The guilt consumed me and I could not bring myself to go on any further without telling her. I was tired with all the hiding and I wanted to come clean.
We went to therapy and I, together with my wife, explored many issues we were not even aware of. We explored each other’s family history, how at some point I and my wife weren’t connecting emotionally. We decided not to have secrets with each other and work on the relationship without having to involve family and friends who would potentially take sides and judge the other partner. We had to make the decision to stay together.
It has been five years since our last therapy session. At present, our relationship is much stronger than before the affair. My wife has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself. Each partner has to take responsibility for the affair, identify what is broken in the relationship and work to repair it. Infidelity does not necessarily break a relationship. It’s the partners who decide whether it’s over or not. I decided mine wasn’t and I’m glad to know I was right.